Love and Despair
by ScoutLeader
Summary: AU of Flash Season 2. Barry wakes in his cell, feeling betrayed by the Team who put him there. But one woman wasn’t there. Will she help him? Snowbarry.
1. Chapter 1

Barry sat in his cell, never have felt more helpless in his life. Losing his mother had torn him apart, but he had somewhat recovered from the ache over the years. But last night... last night had crushed his heart all over again. His father, dead by the hands of _another _speedster. He felt like he was a kid again, utterly helpless and weak. So when Zoom had offered a race, Barry had jumped at the chance. This would be his chance to end Zoom, once and for all. But the people he considered friends, his family, had tried to 'calm him down' by locking him up. His thoughts drifted back to the moment he found himself in the cell:

_"Keeping me in here is going to get everyone killed. I'm the only one who can stop him, you know that," Barry said, still in shock. Why? Why were they doing this?_

_"You race Zoom on his terms, you'll lose," Harry explained. Usually, Barry could tolerate his emotionless voice, but now, he was insulted by it._

_"This is not your _decision to make_!" Barry roared, slamming his fists on the frame of the cell door. Tears began to trickle in his eyes, but he didn't care._

_"It is this time. We all made it together," Joe explained, a mixture of regret and resolve evident in his face. Barry's face fell when he fully comprehended what he was saying._

_"What? All of you?" Barry whispered, his strength dissipating._

_"Bro, I went back and forth, a good 60/40 at first-"_

_"Ramon."_

_"Yeah. Yeah, we all made the decision," Cisco finished, looking uncomfortable, as if he still had doubts._

_"Come on..." Barry murmured, turning away from the group. Seeing his friends put him away like the other metas tore his heart open. He hated feeling alone, and that's exactly what they are doing to him._

_"Allen. Allen!" Harry said. "This is for your own good." Everyone seemed to be done with the conversation and began to turn away._

_"Guys, don't do this!" Barry pleaded, looking around at everyone. He thought someone was missing, but didn't dwell on that. "You have to let me out, you have to let me stop him!" he cried as the doors closed._

His anger hadn't dissipated, but his sadness and mourning had grown tenfold. Not just for his father, but for his friends too. He ached for them all, even if they had betrayed his trust. But he was furious at Joe and Iris. The people he had treated as family, the people who had raised him, surely they could understand what he was going through? But locking him up? He felt like Henry, in a cell for something he couldn't stop.

In the midst of his thoughts, one person shone through: Caitlin. She was still suffering from PTSD at the hands of Zoom and had taken the day off. Did she know? Was she involved? Was she too ashamed to see him off? Barry had no idea. But knowing Cait, he had hope. He silently begged for her help.


	2. Chapter 2

When Caitlin arrived in S.T.A.R. Labs the next day, she immediately knew something was off. The tense atmosphere. No smiles, not even from Cisco. No Barry. And no Flash suit. Cisco had informed her that Zoom had murdered Henry in his childhood home with Barry helplessly watching, so she assumed that Barry was running the pain off. She never expected to be so _wrong_.

"Hey Cisco, how's Barry?" she asked, ignoring the tense atmosphere. She couldn't, however, ignore the murmuring of the rest of the Team. "What?" "She doesn't know?" "What do we say?" Knowing something was seriously wrong, she walked up to Harry, who, despite being emotionless at times, wasn't trying to hide the fact that he knew.

"Where's Barry?" she yelled, grabbing his collar and pushing him against the wall. Everyone jumped up and tried to push her away. Even Harry looked surprised.

"Barry's safe, he's... okay," Harry explained, unconvincingly. Caitlin scoffed.

"Try again. Where. Is. Barry?" she repeated, quieter but no less firmly. Her heart began to pulse out of her chest. What else had happened to him? Was Zoom not enough?

"He's in the Pipeline, Caitlin," Iris explained. Caitlin let go of Harry, confused, but worried again when Iris didn't stop fidgeting.

"What do you mean he's in there, Iris?" Caitlin asked. When no one answered, she whirled around to Joe. "What happened? Please tell me!" Her voice began to quiver, her fear for the Scarlet Speedster now evident.

"We put him in one of the cells," Joe finally answered, and a little more strongly than Caitlin expected. Her knees began to buckle and she walked over to the nearby chair and sat down. No one else dared to speak up; Dr. Snow could be as cold as ice when furious. No one but Iris.

"This is for his own good, Cait," Iris began, but Caitlin interrupted.

"Do NOT call me that!" she snapped. "His dad just _died in front of him_! Why on Earth would you lock him up?!"

"Because Zoom has challenged him to a race, powering up a Magnetar that could destroy the Multiverse if Barry loses!" Harry interjected. "He wants to murder Zoom!"

"And you think _locking him up _will make him see reason?!" Caitlin cried. She had to let Barry out before he loses his humanity and his love for his family. She ran down to the Pipeline as fast as she could; no one went to stop her. When she opened the first door to his cell, she found Barry in his Flash suit, sitting up against the wall, his hair unkempt, with dark rings under his blotchy red eyes. His expression was a mix of rage and misery. When he noticed Caitlin walking up to the glass pane, he didn't know how to react.

"...Cait?" he said wearily. Whose side was she on?

"Oh God Barry, what the hell did they do to you?" she whispered, tears finally beginning to trickle out of her eyes. His face softened when he realised that she never knew, and the fact that she's here meant that she never would've wanted this.

"Cait, if I don't race Zoom, if they keep me locked up here, people _will die_. This is Zoom we're talking about," Barry explained gently. He was still furious for being locked up here, but he refused to direct his anger to her. Never Caitlin. While he hasn't had the courage to tell her, she meant the world to him and right now, she was his only friend who would help him at the moment.

"I know, it's why I'm here," she said with a small smile. Standing up, she walked to the panel to open the door to his cell. She frowned as nothing happened.

"Cait?" Barry asked, confused. She roared out in a mixture of fury and sorrow as she relented.

"The passcode isn't working," she explained. "Barry, please don't lose hope, you _will_ be out of here soon." He smiled, one that radiated hope and happiness.

"Thank you Cait. No matter what happens, I can always rely on you. _Thank you_," Barry said, looking like his old self again. Putting a hand on the window pane, Caitlin did the same, their fingers lining up. Both their hearts ached in that moment: Barry, for he felt like his father, but with the hope of being free soon, and Caitlin, for being unable to help him here and now.

"I'll be back soon, I promise," Caitlin said firmly. Reluctantly walking out of the Pipeline, she felt a mixture of sorrow and resolve. Her and Barry shared something special; being unable to describe what they are, they sometimes walked along the line of friends and something more. Perhaps this would result in the push over the line.


	3. Chapter 3

Walking back into the Cortex, everyone turned towards Caitlin; they knew she had tried to free Barry. Cisco refused to speak; he knew why. Caitlin wasn't with them when they made the decision to lock him up, and even if she was, she would've protested anyway. Out of everyone who _had _decided, Cisco had the most doubts. He had been by Barry's side ever since he became the Flash and had been through so much together. How Barry's face fell when he saw all of them lock him up still haunts him. Whether Barry will forgive him remains a mystery. When Caitlin looked around, surprisingly, Iris looked the most frustrated, like she _wanted_ Barry in the Pipeline.

"Why?" Caitlin asked plainly, facing Harry. He shrugged.

"After our... 'conversation', I decided to change the passcode to his cell," Harry explained. God, his empty tone just pissed her off. Caitlin felt like pulling out her hair, one at a time.

"Am I the _only one _who understands what Barry's going through?" Caitlin cried, exasperated. "Joe, you _of all people _would know how he's hurting right now!" Joe winced at that remark. He can still recall Barry's face when Nora died: scared, in tears, broken. And he saw that same expression in Barry now. Cisco sat down in his chair, tears falling silently. While it may have felt justified earlier, making Barry feel alone and broken instead of helping him was the worst decision the Team, and Cisco, had made. But Iris ignored her father and turned to Caitlin.

"And what, we just let him out to fight Zoom and get himself killed? You're _crazy_, Caitlin!" Iris yelled. That earned her a slap.

"Have you even tried _talking to him_? His dad was just killed in front of him and on top of that, his friends _and family_ are pushing him away!" Caitlin explained, losing patience. Everyone took a step back; no one had seen Caitlin this mad. "But not me. Let him out. _Now_."

Harry walked towards Caitlin. "We can't risk that," he said nonchalantly. She fumed. Not wanting a repeat of before, Harry hurriedly continued, "If he's emotionally unstable, he won't be focused enough to fight Zoom effectively."

Caitlin cradled her face in her hands. This was too much for her. "If you keep Barry locked up, _Zoom wins_. This is what he wanted! Team Flash broken, so that no one can stop him!" she growled.

"We still have a plan to stop Zoom," Harry explained, hoping that what he would say will calm her down. "We don't need Barry to stop him. This _will work_!" Caitlin scoffed, but relaxed a little.

"Fine. Fine! But if something goes wrong, _don't say I didn't warn you_," Caitlin seethed, storming out of the Cortex. Heading to Big Belly Burger for lunch, she opted to get something for Barry. This entire debacle was a disaster. Finally heading back with lunch, she walked down to the Pipeline and placed Barry's burgers through the flap. Eating through them like nothing, he placed the wrappers aside, suddenly looking serious.

"They don't want me out, do they?" Barry asked solemnly. Caitlin nodded, tearing up once again.

"They said that they have some sort of plan to stop him, but I have doubts," she explained. "I don't know how they're going to be successful."

"Neither do I," Barry admitted. "They really think that their plan will work?"

"They have a lot of faith in it. But I refused to help," Caitlin said, a hint of her frustration shining through.

"Cait," - she smiled inwardly at her nickname; no one else can call her that - "despite what happened, they're still your friends. And right now, at least, they are our best hope at stopping Zoom." Bless his heart, he's _still _looking out for them.

"No," she said adamantly. "_You _are the Team's best hope at stopping Zoom. I said that if something goes wrong, don't blame me." Barry was shocked by her strong faith in him. Thinking of that made his heart melt.

"Can you think of anyone else that can help me?" He asked. "Cisco said that he was debating for a while. Does he still have doubts?"

"He was silent the whole time. Maybe he does," Caitlin answered, suddenly excited. "I think I saw a few tears. Hopefully he'll help you!"

"Talk to Cisco, try and sway him to my side," Barry said. "You are the _best_, Cait!"


	4. Chapter 4

By the time Caitlin had made her way back to the Cortex, only Cisco was left - _I must have been down there for a while_, she thought to herself. Finding Cisco hunched over a monitor, she pondered on how to ask him. Yes, he had agreed to put Barry in the Pipeline like the others, but she also knew he was questioning his choice. What she couldn't predict, though, was what choice he would make. Luckily she didn't need to start the conversation, as Cisco looked up and made his way towards her.

"How is he?" Cisco asked. His tone threw Caitlin off-guard - there was understanding and genuine concern, but none of his usual light-hearted personality.

"He's as well as he can be. He'd be better if he had a chance to deal with the fallout of Henry's murder at home, not in a cell," Caitlin answered, slightly too forcefully. Cisco winced at her remark; so this was what she wanted to talk about.

"At the time, it-it seemed like the right thing to do. Being that emotionally unstable, we were scared for him. But now..." Cisco trailed off.

"You've done more damage than good. He's hurting, Cisco, I can see it clear as day," Caitlin explained, trying not to tear up. "And just after he lost his dad too! Pulling this on him was the worst thing you could have done to him." Caitlin walked over to a chair and collapsed. She didn't care who she hurt at this point, she just wanted this nightmare to be over.

"You care for him, don't you?" Cisco asked gently. Her head snapped up.

"Of course I do, Cisco! He's stuck in a cell and I can't help him!" she cried. "And it is _infuriating _how indifferent everyone is about this! I would've thought that Iris, at least, would want him out as much as me!"

"Yeah, well, her and Joe aren't exactly seeing eye-to-eye on this," Cisco muttered. That got her attention.

"Wait, what? What happened?" she asked, curious.

"While you were in the Pipeline with Barry, her and Joe had a huge argument," Cisco explained. "Joe's feeling guilty over putting Barry in a cell like that, but Iris wants to keep him there. So things are... tense, to say the least."

"And what about you, Cisco?" Caitlin asked. Cisco began to fidget.

"I don't know, Cait..." he muttered.

"Please Cisco, keeping him in a cell will only make him worse. He's been putting on a brave face for me, but I can sense his anger. He's _furious_, but he doesn't want to. He doesn't want to lose his friends and family, but he doesn't know if he can forgive them," Caitlin pleaded. Cisco was silent for a while. Walking over to the counter and placing his hand on it, he suddenly froze. Realising that Cisco was vibing, she waited until it passed. Cisco suddenly took a step back.

"Cisco?" She asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. "What did you see?"

"Wally... and Barry... and they were furious. Yelling at Iris, asking how they let Zoom take something," Cisco explained.

"Where were they?" Caitlin asked.

"Couldn't tell," Cisco replied. "Not sure why."

"Please, Cisco, help us. Help Barry."

Cisco was silent for a while. "Yeah, OK," he finally said. Caitlin smiled, for what seemed like the first time in a while, and hugged him tightly.

"_Thank you_," she said. "I'll tell Barry the good news."

"Wait," Cisco said. "We'll go down together." Caitlin smiled.

"Sounds good."

When Barry saw the first door to his cell open, he stood up, expecting Caitlin. He wasn't, however, expecting Cisco to be there with him. The silence that followed was deafening. Caitlin, feeling the pressure, left the Pipeline, giving the two men some privacy. Looking at Barry, Cisco saw a mixture of fury, hope, confusion and mourning. Which, considering what Barry had just gone through, was expected.

"Barry..." Cisco started. He didn't really know where to start.

"Why, Cisco?" Barry asked. Cisco winced. Hearing Barry angry was one thing, but hearing him broken was another.

"I debated for a while because I didn't want to put you in here, man," Cisco explained. "I wanted to just keep you at home or something."

"So what was the last straw?" Barry asked. Cisco relaxed when he saw that some of Barry's anger, at Cisco at least, was dissipating.

"Harry," he said simply. "He convinced me that - _please _don't be mad at this, Barry - if you lost yourself in your emotions, you could become like Thawne."

Barry said nothing. He wondered how the logical Harry Wells would have assessed the situation. He certainly wasn't close enough to the group to consider them friends - if he had any at all - so he wouldn't look at how Barry would _feel _about this, only the best _logical _step.

"And the others?" Barry asked.

"Joe and Iris aren't speaking to each other at the moment," Cisco said. That shocked Barry.

"That's not like them," he murmured. "What happened?"

"We put you in the Pipeline," Cisco explained. "Joe feels guilty, and Iris doesn't." That shook Barry to the core.

"Iris? I don't understand..." Barry whispered. He shook his head. "Later. Can you please talk to Joe for me?" Cisco smiled.

"Sure thing. Oh, by the way, only Harry knows the password to the cell," Cisco added frustratingly. "Otherwise you'd be out by now." Barry smiled.

"Thank you Cisco." Barry said. Before Cisco left, something popped out in his mind. "Wait, one more thing. Harry's plan..." Cisco frowned.

"Yeah, with you stuck here, it's the best shot at the moment," Cisco explained, clearly not happy with the plan.

"Well, best of luck."


	5. Chapter 5

It was the night they would take down Zoom. Harry and Jesse were getting everything into the van. They chose an abandoned factory, disconnected from any gas or electricity lines to minimise risk of damage, and so that the Police wouldn't get themselves killed trying to arrest Zoom. The plan was simple: they would feign surrender, through Jesse, while Harry would stun him, Cisco would open a breach to a cell and Joe would knock him in. Before they left, Cisco noticed Caitlin walking up from the Pipeline. But it was the mixed emotions evident on Caitlin's face that spoke volumes. Cisco walked up to her and decided to address it.

"You care for him, don't you?" he asked.

"Of course, Cisco," she replied, a little confused. "He's one of my best friends, and I want him out of that cell ASAP." Cisco smirked.

"Only a 'best friend'?" Cisco teased. Caitlin began to blush. _And there we go_, he thought. She inhaled sharply, knowing that Cisco knows.

"He's with Iris, Cisco," she admitted. "What can I do?" Cisco laughed softly, so that Iris wouldn't hear.

"You're joking, right?" Cisco inquired. "The way he looks at you, the subtle things. They're _nothing_ like the way he looks at Iris." She perked up.

"Really?" She said timidly. "Are-are you sure?" Cisco smiled.

"You were probably a bit out of it when you got back to S.T.A.R. Labs, but the look on Barry's face... he had been out of his mind, cutting everyone off," he explained. "When he saw you again, he couldn't have been more relieved."

A single tear fell from Caitlin's eye. The way he took Caitlin's hands as he knelt in front of her, so caring, so full of _love_. Thinking back to that moment, his eyes had been blotchy, he had rings under his eyes. Had he been so afraid he was going to lose her? Caitlin smiled to herself.

"Thank you Cisco," she said quietly. "Good luck." He chuckled.

"I'm gonna need it."

Caitlin decided to keep Barry company while the rest of the team went out to stop Zoom. They spent their time talking about... well, everything. She avoided what Cisco told her, for his sake. Besides, she wasn't absolutely certain... yet. But she stayed positive about Team Flash's plan; without hope, they had nothing.

But they didn't have Barry. Barry, who was the Team's symbol of hope. The _city's_ symbol of hope. It was Barry who was the optimist, the one who had taught them all to never lose hope, even in the most dire situations.

So when Team Flash came back, with dark and sullen expressions on their faces, with Iris in tears, she knew that something was wrong.

"What happened?" Caitlin demanded. "What went wrong-?" she trailed off as she noticed the absence of a certain team member. Cisco and Harry blanched; there was no point in explaining everything.

"Where's Joe?" Caitlin whispered. "Did Zoom...?" Cisco nodded, not even having the bravery to speak up. But he didn't need to. For Wally West walked in at that moment.

"Guys?" He asked. "Where's dad?" Harry hesitated before answering:

"Zoom," he said simply, but with a tone of regret. "We tried to stop him, but we failed." Wally looked angry, but then confused.

"Uh, guys, what about Barry?" He asked. Caitlin didn't wait.

"Ask them," she snapped, storming off. Wally, understanding immediately, whirled to the Team.

"_You went after Zoom without Barry?!_" he roared. "_Where is he?_"

"The Pipeline..." Harry answered. Wally knew he could sound disinterested, but about _Barry_... Wally didn't care anymore. Luckily, everyone else had left the room before he confronted Harry, pushing him against the wall. Not for the first time, Harry looked genuinely afraid, for Wally wore a face of murder.

"Give me the code to his cell," Wally seethed. "_Now_."


	6. Chapter 6

Barry couldn't have been more elated when both doors to his cell opened. He prepared to run out and give Caitlin a hug, but stopped himself as he realised that Wally, not Caitlin, had opened the doors.

"Look, everyone's gonna freak out when they find out I did this," Wally quickly explained, "but we need your help Barry." He had never seen Wally look so sullen and afraid, and that shook him to the core. Something had gone terrible wrong; he knew it in the very fiber of his being.

In the Cortex, Jesse heard one of the monitors start beeping, and knew trouble was on the way when she saw what was on it. _He doesn't know yet_, she thought worriedly.

"Uh, hey guys," she said, "Barry's not-"

She was interrupted by the crackle of lightning and the appearance of two familiar figures in the Cortex.

"In his cell anymore," she finished somewhat lamely. By this time, everyone had regrouped in the Cortex, and Barry couldn't have looked more murderous. How Barry looked when they locked him away didn't compare to the fury radiating from the speedster now.

"Wally!" Iris chastised sternly, earning her a murderous look in return.

"Well, I wasn't just gonna _stand around _and let this happen!" He retaliated, confused as to why the Team's best shot at getting Joe back wasn't wanted.

"You let him take Joe?" Barry demanded, every word dripping with venom. "What the _hell_ were you thinking?"

"Allen, there was nothing we could do," Harry responded, his monotone present as always.

"_You could've let me race him!_" Barry roared. He had lost his patience. Joe was gone. Zoom has nearly won.

"Allen!" Harry snapped. "You're not racing Zoom!" Barry scoffed.

"What're you gonna do, _tranq me again_?" he spat.

"Don't tempt me," Harry rebuted with equal fire. Barry exhaled, pacing the Cortex.

"Look, I know that you made a pact to keep Zoom on Earth-2, but you did that without me and Wally!" He pointed out. "You don't get to do that!"

"Barry, look at yourself, you're not OK," Iris retorted. That was enough.

"Iris, my dad was just _killed _in front of me, do you have _any idea_ how that feels?!" Barry roared. Iris fell silent. While Francine had died, she had left Iris's life a long time ago, so her death wouldn't _nearly _compare to Henry's. Caitlin walked up to Barry and took his hand, standing next to him. Feeling a wave of calm flow over him, he relaxed and continued.

"I thought you would've known me well enough by now," he murmured, the venom still audible. "Iris, it took me _years _to recover from mum's death. And now you really expected me to "calm down" by _locking me up_? What the hell is wrong with you?" Still, Iris said nothing, bowing her head in silence. Turning to Harry and Jesse, he continued: "If Jesse was murdered by Zoom while you watched, helpless, would you want to be locked up, instead of having the space, and time, needed to process it?" Harry, for once, had no witty comeback. Looking from a father's perspective, he would've felt just as furious as Barry. Cisco took Barry's side, as did Wally.

"Our plan failed," Cisco said simply, "Because Barry was in a cell instead of helping us." He turned to Barry. "'Sorry' doesn't even _begin _to cover everything, but I truly am. I'll help you race Zoom." Caitlin squeezed his hand.

"I've been by your side since Day 1," she added. Barry smiled at her, his heart finally feeling full.

"I know," he answered, his voice full of love. Barry turned to Wally.

"How did you open my cell?" He asked, curious. Wally smirked.

"When I found out Zoom took dad and found out you were in a cell, I... _convinced _Harry to tell me." Harry coughed.

"Not the word I'd use," he muttered. Barry chuckled, finally feeling like his old self again.

"I can set up a vibe for you," Cisco offered. "We'll contact Zoom."

"Good," Barry replied. "We can't wait any longer."

"Agreed."


	7. Epilogue

Barry thought he finally had recovered after Henry's death and defeating Zoom. But he lost his composure once again when the Masked Man was unmasked, and introduced as the real Jay Garrick. Being his father's doppelgänger was too much for him; seeing his face, hearing his voice, it was too much for him. Later that night, as Team Flash celebrated their victory, he sat on the veranda of the West family house, questioning his next move.

He had time-traveled before, to learn how to build a tachyon-enhancer from Thawne, but this... this would change his life completely.

Caitlin walked out and sat next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. They hadn't had much time for each other, considering how much had happened. But not much needed to be said; they were on the same wavelength, kindred spirits.

"Are you sure about this?" She asked gently. Caitlin was the only one who Barry had talked to about this. "Saving your parents... this will change everything for you." He smiled sadly.

"I know," he whispered. "But I miss them _so much_... I just want the pain to end, Cait. It hurts..." Not wanting to wait any longer, she pulled him into a tight hug, both of them beginning to cry.

"Oh Barry..." she whispered. "Look at me." Taking his hands, she gazed into his bloodshot eyes. "If you save your parents, your past will change. Nothing will be the same. Is that what you want?" Barry pondered for a second, slowing down for once.

"If I do this, I get mum and dad back. But... I lose everything, every_one_ else," he answered. His grip on Caitlin tightened, emphasising what he was saying. "And I can't lose you Cait," he whispered. Looking at Barry, his heart and soul were visible in his eyes, and Caitlin saw his love for her, clear as day. Cupping his cheek, slightly leaning forward, she realised that Cisco was right.

"If you saved your mum, I would lose you Barry," she murmured. "I nearly lost you once. I can't go through that again."

Not wanting to wait any longer, Barry leaned in and kissed her with all the passion and love that has built up since he first met her. Replying in kind, Caitlin fully embraced her feelings for the speedster, feeling safe in his arms.

"Called it," a snarky voice said behind him.

Reluctantly breaking apart, they both looked back at the door to see Cisco leaning on the door frame, a smirk on his face.

"C'mon, Cisco," Barry half-complained, but still grinning.

"Let's just say he was a wingman for me," Caitlin laughed, taking Barry's hand. Both standing up, they looked at Cisco, who had two beers in his hand.

"I think we've earned a night off," he chuckled, handing them the bottles. "C'mon lovebirds." Barry and Caitlin rolled their eyes as they walked back inside, feeling utterly content. Zoom had nearly torn the Team apart, but they were now stronger than ever. And Barry wouldn't have it any other way.


End file.
